Understanding Race, Religion, Politics, Sex & Bigotry

Doug Karr, product manager for a “permission-based email service provider” (permission spam?) lays down three interesting rules for understanding differences of race, religion, politics, sex and bigotry: 1. He will never understand others; so he tries to respect things that he doesn’t understand. 2. Everyone is different and unique. and 3. Double standards are part of life; so accept it. While they sound very reasonable at first glance, I strongly disagree with all three of them for very fundamental reasons.

First of all the assumption that we will never understand others is fundamentally wrong. Understanding others may be difficult but not impossible; despite the apparent differences. Each human is fundamentally guided by certain set of rules and hindered by another set of restrictions. Between these people move everyday. The motivation behind following them could be as simple as perception of increased pleasure, feeling good, tradition, law of the society or even self-imposed laws. Even a mafia, even a killer follows certain rules; admitedly they maybe significantly different from others. The key to understanding others is to try to perceive their rules and restrictions. I have spent a significant portion of my career in a different country, in a different culture; which was in total contrast with the culture and environment I grew up in. I tried to understand them and in the process I realized they too are governed by the same primary factors that we are. The difference is in weight given to certain factors as opposed to others. Certain society, for example, is more focussed on self (pleasure and benefits) than others.

Then there is ignorance and ego. Never underestimate them (including yours) while trying to understand others. Often you will find that apparently strange human activities can mostly be attributed to ignorance or in some cases to their ego.

So fundamentally I disagree with the contention that we cannot understand others. It just takes more effort and perseverance. Simply stating lack of understanding followed by blind respect is just a cop out and can be potentially dangerous to race relations or inter-religion interactions.

“Everyone is different.” is also very much untrue and like above a way out for people who do not want to spend the time and effort to understand others. All human beings are fundamentally governed by primal emotions. Every human actions can be deduced to the primary motives like self-preservation or pleasure (sex included). The difference in humans is in degree but not in kind.

As for double-standards, they may be acceptable for a very limited time period till we understand more about the different cultures and people; but beyond that it is potentially harmful and derogatory to humanity in general.

How do you start understanding others?
Let’s do some thought experiments. First stop the flow of pre-conceived notion about others in your mind. Don’t categorize people as good or evil and try to justify their actions on that basis. It is stupid and plain wrong. Start with an empty slate instead.
Take some person(s) you hate most, say Hitler or Laden. Try to picture yourself in their society, think about the social forces that shaped their childhood (do some reading if required). Think about their adult life. Slowly you will try to see why they have done some of the bad things they are hated for. If you are honest and dedicated in your efforts you may be surprised to find that they are not really very different from us. Try it. And then try to apply the same knowledge to others closer to you.

If only people learned to go beyond simple differences and genuinely tried to understand other people, culture and races; I think the world would have been a much better place.